So not only is Saturday the Fourth of July, it is also my birthday. Normally, I would be completely stoked because it is one of my favorite holidays, but this year I am completely bummed. No, it isn't because I will be 26 and technically closer to 30 than 20 (which has crossed my mind several times). It's because this year is the first year I will be "celebrating" without my grandma and my mom.
I can't seem to stop thinking about my mom this week. I keep remembering all of the little things that I know I will miss the most. So instead of making this post another sob story, I decided to post some 4th of July memories and remember her like she deserves.
1. Every July 4th my mother would call me at 11:56 a.m. and sing Happy Birthday to me. I was born at 11:56 and she called to let me know that it was at that time that I really aged.
2. Growing up I was convinced that the whole world celebrated me on my birthday, my mom never shot me down by telling me that it wasn't just for me. I eventually figured it out.
3. After my birthday song call, she would call me to ask when I was going to be at her house, if I didn't answer she would leave me a voicemail saying "Hey, this is your mommy!" in the most excited voice ever.
4. My mom always told me that on July 3rd she convinced my family to do fireworks because she knew that she was going to have me on the 4th. Everyone thought she was crazy, but did it anyways. When the 4th came, she went into labor.
5. When my mom was in labor my grandma was there with her. As the clock kept ticking closer and closer to noon, my grandma kept telling her she needed to hurry up and have me because it was almost lunch time. She had me just before lunch.
6. One year she decided to make my birthday cake instead of buying one. My sister decided to decorate it and instead of getting a red, white and blue cake... it was baby pink and baby blue. I told them it was a birthday party not a baby shower.
7. On my 21st birthday she bought me a bottle of wine. It was so good I couldn't stop drinking it. I remember my uncle started freaking out thinking I was drunk and going to drive home. My mom assured him that I was welcomed to stay in my own home.
8. For a good 6 years or so we would go out for my birthday, as opposed staying in and I got to pick what I wanted to do. For dinner I would say I wanted to go to a Mexican restaurant and she would have them put a sombrero on my head and sing to me. I also went to a theme park and we would stay until the fireworks were over and the park was closing.
9. My 24th birthday she had a custom ring made for me. She tortured me for months about my birthday present. When I finally got it I was so happy. I put it on and realized it was insanely big. She felt bad that it was so big, but was happy that I loved it. I cherish that ring now, and still haven't had it sized.
10. Every year I spent my actual birthday with my family. I know a lot of people go out with the friends on theirs, but I never felt deprived. I loved spending the day with them every year.
11. On my 16th birthday I got a picture of a wrecked car instead of the actual thing. I was just as happy with that picture as if I had seen it in person.
12. Growing up there were many times that we almost got in trouble for playing with fireworks in city limits. My grandpa and uncle were instigators and would go buy a ton of them for me every year.
13. On my 25th birthday my mom called and let me know that I was officially a quarter of a century old.
14. On my siblings birthday's we would usually grill out burgers, but on my birthday mom would always make me steak and potatoes because it was my favorite. I always felt special.
15. The 4th was one of her favorite holidays, she started planning our party for this year in January and I thought she was nuts. Too bad she isn't going to be here.
I could keep going on and on about the great times we had, but I figure that's enough. I wish you all a wonderful 4th of July.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
We are a team?
Since this blog is basically annonymous, I get to talk about work! Yay!
Well, I work for a media company as a graphic designer (incase you didn't know) and basically have two bosses. One boss signs my paycheck and he tries to tell me "how the cow chews the kurd." I'll call him A. The other boss I absolutely love, and she was the one that I orginally worked under until the company did some reorganization and royally screwed me, but that's a different story.
OK, so last week I received an e-mail from A saying that next week would be his last week. He accepted a job at another company. Well, I was thinking Woo Hoo! This is great! I can't wait! Mainly because he just has a strong dislike for me, and hasn't failed on letting me know that.
Well, my company is always looking for excuses to buy food and someone leaving is always a reason. The group I technically work for is even worse about food purchasing.
Since today was his last day, apparently the "team" I work with threw him a little going away party. He got up and made a speech and there was all kinds of food and a card. Well, my coworker and I weren't invited.
Now, I don't really mind the lack of the invitation... that isn't what bugs me. What bugs me is that during my performance review one of my negative traits was that I seculuded myself. I looked at my new "team" as them and I was separate. If my company would have been giving out raises, it would have effected my raise.
So, how do I go about not seculuding myself, when they do everything (including the lack of invitations) to make me the red headed step-child.
Update: I was just invited for leftovers... 5 hours later.
Well, I work for a media company as a graphic designer (incase you didn't know) and basically have two bosses. One boss signs my paycheck and he tries to tell me "how the cow chews the kurd." I'll call him A. The other boss I absolutely love, and she was the one that I orginally worked under until the company did some reorganization and royally screwed me, but that's a different story.
OK, so last week I received an e-mail from A saying that next week would be his last week. He accepted a job at another company. Well, I was thinking Woo Hoo! This is great! I can't wait! Mainly because he just has a strong dislike for me, and hasn't failed on letting me know that.
Well, my company is always looking for excuses to buy food and someone leaving is always a reason. The group I technically work for is even worse about food purchasing.
Since today was his last day, apparently the "team" I work with threw him a little going away party. He got up and made a speech and there was all kinds of food and a card. Well, my coworker and I weren't invited.
Now, I don't really mind the lack of the invitation... that isn't what bugs me. What bugs me is that during my performance review one of my negative traits was that I seculuded myself. I looked at my new "team" as them and I was separate. If my company would have been giving out raises, it would have effected my raise.
So, how do I go about not seculuding myself, when they do everything (including the lack of invitations) to make me the red headed step-child.
Update: I was just invited for leftovers... 5 hours later.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
What's going on in Hollywood?
I can't believe the news, another big name celebrity is dead. What's the deal?
It's been a bad week in Hollywood, and I find myself a bit sad.
Ed McMahon: I loved loved loved Star Search. When i was growing up I knew that I would go on that show. I thought I wanted to be a singer for the longest time. Well, I never got to go on there, but I watched the show religiously.
Farrah Fawcett: While I am too young to have watched Charlie's Angels when they were filmed, I did watch the reruns growing up. I always loved her feathered hair. I think it is ridiculously sad that she never got to be married after she said yes, finally. :(
Michael Jackson: I'll never forget Superbowl 27. I thought it was awesome. While he was a bit crazy and had a lot of problems, I will never say the man wasn't talented. I still listen to his music from time to time.
So while Hollywood is in a state of mourning, I hope all of these celebrities that have at one point or another touched us all rest in peace.
It's been a bad week in Hollywood, and I find myself a bit sad.
Ed McMahon: I loved loved loved Star Search. When i was growing up I knew that I would go on that show. I thought I wanted to be a singer for the longest time. Well, I never got to go on there, but I watched the show religiously.
Farrah Fawcett: While I am too young to have watched Charlie's Angels when they were filmed, I did watch the reruns growing up. I always loved her feathered hair. I think it is ridiculously sad that she never got to be married after she said yes, finally. :(
Michael Jackson: I'll never forget Superbowl 27. I thought it was awesome. While he was a bit crazy and had a lot of problems, I will never say the man wasn't talented. I still listen to his music from time to time.
So while Hollywood is in a state of mourning, I hope all of these celebrities that have at one point or another touched us all rest in peace.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Wordless Wednesday
Sorry I have been MIA, as my previous post stated things are crazy in my life right. I will try to post more asap, just don't want to bore you all with all my drama.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Lost between up and down
It's been awhile since I have posted. I've been lost trying to figure out up from down and left from right, and so far I still find myself lost.
Just a warning, this isn't going to be one of my typically silly posts.
I'm starting to feel like there is some sort of target on my head. That every time things start to get better something has to happen because "omg Trixie is getting happy again, we can't let that happen."
Well that's what happened ... again. It's been four months since my mother passed away, and about 9 months since my grandmother passed. And while I am still not my typical happy self, I am trying to get back into the swing of life because I know that they don't want me to be miserable forever. I still find it extremely hard to go a day without crying and the littlest things set me off. I expect that to continue for a long time, and my tears will never go away.
So here I was, finding myself a little closer to normal and then the rug was ripped from under my feet and I fell to the ground once again.
On Monday, I received a text from my dad saying "Hi daughters (sent to my sis and me) I have important news call me asap!" Well after seeing that, I called immediately. I thought maybe we finally got the cause of death, my grandmother's estate stuff was settled or something generally great happened.
Well, I beat my sister to the punch and got to him first. When he answered he seemed very shaky. He then said something along the lines that he figured that as his daughters we should be told the news first. At this point I was concerned that something was seriously wrong, possibly that he was terminally ill. But, no that wasn't it... it was something I never would have expected to hear.
"I'm engaged."
My jaw dropped and I'm pretty sure my heart stopped beating for a few seconds. I was sitting at work, fighting my tears and couldn't even say a single word other than OK. He kept talking to me and I can't even remember what he said, I just know that the only thing I could say was OK.
My worst nightmare came true, and it was only four months after he was widowed. All these thoughts came rushing in and I was overwhelmed with tears. I left work because I couldn't handle sitting there anymore.
I figured he would eventually remarry, but never did I think it would be this soon. And while there "isn't a date set" I figure that it won't be years away like it should. I just don't know how you could logically think this is a good idea. I don't know how a woman could say yes, knowing the man's wife of 10 years died four months prior. Most importantly, I don't know how he could even consider proposing to a woman when his children haven't even heard of her or even know that he was dating.
So now I find myself lost. I haven't talked to him since, I've been eating my emotions, and sleep has been virtually non-existent. I don't know what to say to him, and I'm dreading looking him in the face on Father's Day. At first, I wanted to take back the overly extravagant gift my sister and I purchased for him. She decided that we shouldn't do that even though my thoughts are somewhere in the middle.
I feel like I should have my own reality TV show, and I think I'd be a billionaire by now.
I'm just so sick of all the bad shit, when will something good happen to me for once? And, when it does will I be able to enjoy for fear that something terrible is lurking around the corner?
Just a warning, this isn't going to be one of my typically silly posts.
I'm starting to feel like there is some sort of target on my head. That every time things start to get better something has to happen because "omg Trixie is getting happy again, we can't let that happen."
Well that's what happened ... again. It's been four months since my mother passed away, and about 9 months since my grandmother passed. And while I am still not my typical happy self, I am trying to get back into the swing of life because I know that they don't want me to be miserable forever. I still find it extremely hard to go a day without crying and the littlest things set me off. I expect that to continue for a long time, and my tears will never go away.
So here I was, finding myself a little closer to normal and then the rug was ripped from under my feet and I fell to the ground once again.
On Monday, I received a text from my dad saying "Hi daughters (sent to my sis and me) I have important news call me asap!" Well after seeing that, I called immediately. I thought maybe we finally got the cause of death, my grandmother's estate stuff was settled or something generally great happened.
Well, I beat my sister to the punch and got to him first. When he answered he seemed very shaky. He then said something along the lines that he figured that as his daughters we should be told the news first. At this point I was concerned that something was seriously wrong, possibly that he was terminally ill. But, no that wasn't it... it was something I never would have expected to hear.
"I'm engaged."
My jaw dropped and I'm pretty sure my heart stopped beating for a few seconds. I was sitting at work, fighting my tears and couldn't even say a single word other than OK. He kept talking to me and I can't even remember what he said, I just know that the only thing I could say was OK.
My worst nightmare came true, and it was only four months after he was widowed. All these thoughts came rushing in and I was overwhelmed with tears. I left work because I couldn't handle sitting there anymore.
I figured he would eventually remarry, but never did I think it would be this soon. And while there "isn't a date set" I figure that it won't be years away like it should. I just don't know how you could logically think this is a good idea. I don't know how a woman could say yes, knowing the man's wife of 10 years died four months prior. Most importantly, I don't know how he could even consider proposing to a woman when his children haven't even heard of her or even know that he was dating.
So now I find myself lost. I haven't talked to him since, I've been eating my emotions, and sleep has been virtually non-existent. I don't know what to say to him, and I'm dreading looking him in the face on Father's Day. At first, I wanted to take back the overly extravagant gift my sister and I purchased for him. She decided that we shouldn't do that even though my thoughts are somewhere in the middle.
I feel like I should have my own reality TV show, and I think I'd be a billionaire by now.
I'm just so sick of all the bad shit, when will something good happen to me for once? And, when it does will I be able to enjoy for fear that something terrible is lurking around the corner?
Thursday, June 11, 2009
When ghetto kids and Jessica Alba attack
If you don't live in any of the major cities, hell even a highly populated city, it is often exciting when a "big famous celebrity" shows up. Especially in Oklahoma, where are local celebrities that aren't country stars are weather men. Seriously.
The past few weeks and possibly this week as well, Jessica Alba and Kate Hudson, and Casey Affleck were here making a film in a little town called Guthrie. And by little, I do mean little.
Once the word was spread, the masses went wild. So much so that I am waiting for the prison to call and say the arrested my friend for stalking. So far almost every time I log into my personal facebook page I see millions of pictures of people "stalking" the film site. The funny thing is the big bad bodyguards aren't letting anyone get close, but the photos keep coming. And even though I've seen millions of photo's not a single one has one of the stars mentioned above.
Jessica Attacks: So what did Jessica do?
Well she made her presence known by posting "public art" all over downtown Oklahoma City. She glued (apparently insanely well) shark posters all over downtown in an effort to support Shark Week, in landlocked Oklahoma. Don't worry Jessica, we will do our best to save our sharks.
Ghetto Kids Attack: Well, apparently Jessica started a trend and now all the ghetto kids have decided to attack with their spray paint cans (even though you have to be 18 to purchase it)and create their own version of this "public art" all around my apartment complex.
After living in the same place for three years (which is a miracle I've been in one place that long), a broken driver side mirror, and a stolen license plate I experienced my first "public art."
You're probably thinking I live somewhere crazy. Well even though it sounds like I live in a scary place, it really isn't too bad. It isn't the best of the best, but believe me it's not even close to some of the scarier places around here. I have never once been frightened(except for a few crazy neighbors and a stalker). And it hasn't been until recently that I have noticed an abundance of teenagers hanging around my area, it's been mostly 20-somethings and young parents with a little mix of old people.
But what it comes down to is growing up we've all had our fun, done a bunch of stupid things we shouldn't have, and maybe even did a little "public art," but seriously... I don't live in the projects, can you please take that crap to the stop sign, the over pass of a bridge or even the side of a train?
