Out of town

Just wanted to let ya'll know that I am heading out of town for a weekend at the lake today. I am super excited to soak up some sun and play in the water. I hope ya'll don't miss me too much.

Have a great weekend!

Wordless Wednesday

My zoo peepshow!!!

Read the story here

Burrito Boy part 2

So, did I call?

Actually I didn't. He called me the following day and I hadn't saved his number so when I answered I was a bit confused as to who was calling me. Did I let you all down? Haha.

When BB called we talked a little bit and he asked me out on a date during the upcoming weekend. I agreed, thinking what's the worst thing that could happen?

On date day he picked me up and said he was taking me to this place where they had amazing food. He wouldn't tell me the name, but during the drive I noticed that we were going into a part of town that wasn't so safe. I asked him if he lived over here and he said "oh no, this place isn't the safest."

After a few minutes we pulled up to this diner looking place. While I'm not high maintenance, I wouldn't recommend this place for a first date. I mean not only is the location bad, but seriously it had tables with those metal folding chairs. I have eaten at several "dives" and sometimes they are great so I gave it a shot.

I ordered just a burger and fries thinking that would be a bit difficult to screw up. It wasn't, my bread was soggy and they gave me mayo (which I hate.) While at "dinner" our conversation was good when I wasn't focusing on the grossness of my meal. He mentioned going to a free concert that a local casino was hosting. I had never heard of the band, was game to get out of the ghetto.

At the concert it was looking pretty cloudy and we weren't sure if it was going to rain or not. The local band wasn't too bad, but nothing to brag about. About what I assume was half way through the show it starts to pour down rain and we end up soaked. I thought it was pretty funny, but I guess he was pretty upset.

So how did the date end? Well we went to Walmart because he wanted to by a new dvd player he saw in sale. Talk about exciting.

Needless to say I never went out with BB again, but the funny thing is he has become one of my dearest friends. I am also coaching him on dating skills, because I'm not high maintenance but this date wasn't the greatest way to start things off.

A sly burrito boy ...

Meet Burrito Boy, a charming young man who makes me burritos during a long day at work who apparently has had his eye on me for awhile. I never really paid much attention to him, I usually just got my burrito and then was on my way out the door.

And then one day I noticed. I had just got back from a long weekend at the lake and decided I could use an awesome chicken burrito. I walked in looking half tired and holding a conversation via text with my friend.

I ordered my chicken burrito and BB started giving me a hard time. He kept saying that I should have got this salsa instead and pestering me about why I don't like beans.

As I was getting ready to pay for my food and finishing up a text with my friend BB asked me what kind of phone I was using. Delighted, I showed him my phone and he asked if he could hold it.

I handed him my phone because it wasn't like he was going to run off with it, I mean the guy was at work. He held it and explained to me that He was wanting the same phone. He asked if I liked it as he started to play with it. I told him I loved it and then he handed me my phone back.

As I walked to my car I received another text from my friend, but happened to notice a message in my outbox. The message was to a number not in my phone book and simply said.... you should call me (insert phone number here) -BB

Did I call him? I'll save that for another post.

Wordless Wednesday

Look Dad, we found kittens!

Handicap parking?

Just when I begin to think the people that work at my apartment complex are at least a little bit intelligent they go and do something that proves me wrong.

Last night when I was desperately searching for a parking spot that wasn't a mile away from my apartment I pulled into an empty spot. This one spot was crowded by several others and I wondered why it was left open.

So, I looked up and realized at that very moment why that parking spot was indeed left open.... a handicap sign. Now this spot has been a spot I have parked in several times and it was never labeled handicap.

You're probably thinking that adding a handicap spot couldn't possibly be a bad thing right? Well, this spot isn't bad... just in a completely dumb location.

Now I know that not all handicap people are in a wheelchair, but I'd like to think handicap spots are there to cater to those who are. This spot goes completely against the opposite. This spot does not have a ramp, its not any wider than a normal parking spot and if that wasn't enough ... the spot doesn't even connect to a sidewalk.

I can't help but ask myself what handicap human-being would even think this would be a great place to park. My mother had a ton of back problems and she had a handicap placard and I know that if she came over she wouldn't dare park in that spot.

So, like I said... my apartment complex once again proved to me that monkey's can run a business.

Side note:

I am jumping on the bandwagon and offering readers a chance to ask me something they want to know (that's not too personal). If you'd like to ask me a question feel free to leave a comment or email me at swooningthecity@gmail.com

A walk in the zoo

Even though it was Sunday and the high temperature was 104 with a heat index of about 106, I woke up at 7am and go ready to head to the Zoo. Now I am not by any means a morning person, partly because I work late evenings and also because I just haven't ever been, so me being up without a huge Starbucks caffeine injected beverage and no serious appointment was a big deal (especially on a day that it was going to be hotter than hell).

The grand plan was that we would get there at 9am when they opened to enjoy as much of the zoo as possible before our skin started to melt from the rays of the heat. We made it about 9:30 am and started the trip out with looking at the ducks (one of my favorite animals).

As the day went on and the heat started to rise we eventually found our way to the grizzly bears, which by far was the funniest animal we saw that day. Why you ask?

Well, when we walked into the building we saw two grizzly bears. They were both sleeping, one was in a hole and the other one was laying against the glass. What's so funny? Well as soon as you walked around the the corner to see them you notice that the male is spread eagle... foot on the glass and all, it would almost seem like an Al Bundy moment if he had his hand on his crouch. Not exactly what you were expecting when you walk around the corner. I can hear the kids now, "mommy what is that?"

After getting the peep show, he then decided to roll over and change positions. It seemed like he couldn't get comfortable because he just kept moving around. Eventually another group of about 4 people came walking in to see him. The best part of the whole thing was, as soon as they were about to take a picture of him, he decided to put on a show. He rolled over onto his back again and then went spread eagle. Talk about a Kodak moment.

Even though the sun was beating down on us and I was sweating to death I had a great time. I probably drank a gallon of water which is always a good thing. I don't think I have ever seen as many animals in one trip as I did Sunday. They always seem to be hiding or put away. It was great.

Who would have known that going to the zoo early in the morning was the best? The animals were all active and happy as opposed to late evening when they just hide in any place of shade they can find.

Kids say it best

Over the weekend I celebrated my birthday with my family. If you didn't know I have two younger siblings that are almost 9 and 7. Strange right? Oh well, I love them dearly and pretty much spoil them rotten.

So why am I posting about them? Well because kids say some hilarious stuff and I wanted to share some highlights.

Convo 1
Me: Whatcha doin lil bro?
Bro: Playin video games.
Me: Whatcha playin?
Bro: Grand theft auto... (pause) Did you know they have hookers in this game?
Me: (jaw drops) Oh yeah? What's a hooker?
Bro: (changing subjects) Did you just see that car? (I'm sure he has no idea what a hooker is, at least I hope not)

Convo 2
I'm playing with my little sisters hair.
Sis: Don't touch my hair, I have lice.
Me: Who said that?
Sis: I dunno, just don't touch it.

Convo 3
Bro and sis are playing with sparklers chasing us around and then they run to the swing set.
Me: What are ya'll doing?
Sis: Putting our sparklers on the swing set.
Me: Why? You're supposed to be drawing with them.
Bro: We are welding... duh.

Wordless Wednesday

Not the cleanest video, but hilarious!

A message from George Carlin

Today while sitting at work I was in a pretty poor mood. I was going to blog, but had nothing to say. Then I received this e-mail and decided to share because I think it is a great message.

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, ' I love you ' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

~George Carlin

Driving disability?

I think that over the holiday weekends people come out from under rocks. I'm serious. The highways seem to be crowded with a lot more cars than you see on a typical weekend, and those extra cars are full of stupid drivers. You also see a ton of cops out. While everyone seems to think it is for speeders, I think it is for the stupid drivers on the road and then the drunk asses that decide to make a late night munchie run. I prefer having my drunk ass chauffeured.

So in light of the holiday weekend and more to come, I decided to make a list of things that you shouldn't do in a vehicle for those that have a driving disability.

1. It is rude to not let someone on the highway. I know that when you're on the on ramp of the highway you are supposed to yield, but honestly people already on the highway should be a bit more kind. When you don't have cars next you, change lanes and do us all a favor.

2. It is not OK to get on the highway going 30 mph. If I can get my 4-banger up to 60 mph before being on the highway, I know your v-8 can too.

3. Just because you suffer from big *&#@ truck syndrome, doesn't mean you get two or more parking places.

4. The left lane is for passing or for people that choose to speed go the speed limit. If you want to drive 40 mph on a 65 mph highway, please take your car to the right lane. (These drivers also help oncoming traffic)

5. If I have the possibility of dying from carbon monoxide poisoning while waiting at a stop light you should really get your car off the road.

6. If you decide to text while driving make sure you memorize the keys so you don't drive off the road and almost hit a light pole.

7. Semi's are scary, do not drive next to them or just a little bit ahead of them forcing other cars to be by the trailer.

8. While staring at a car wreck, pay attention to the car in front of you. If they stop and you don't you will become the one gawked at.

9. Wave when someone does something nice, such as letting you out of the gas station parking lot after numerous people have been greedy pricks.

10. As a matter of fact, you don't own the whole damn road so don't be stupid.

Here is only a small selection of Trixie's Rules for the Road: A Guide for Drivers suffering from Driving Disability Syndrome. Look for it on Amazon.com. :)

*I'm not really publishing this book, but I think it is a good idea.

Wordless Wednesday

Momma said there'd be days like this!