Thursday, February 18, 2010

Change happens

Change happens. And with change comes growth. I am still trying to learn and accept this philosophy. Unfortunately, it is not going too smoothly.

One week from yesterday will be one full year since my mother passed away. Exactly five months prior to February 24th, (Sept. 24) my grandmother passed away. In five months, I lost two of the most important people in my life and have yet to really accept that loss.

I have drowned my sorrows in alcohol, food, ice cream and countless amounts of tears. Sadly, nothing seems to fix it. I went to the doctor a little over a month ago and he referred me to some counselors. I plan on my appointments with them asap. He also put me on anti-depressants. Honestly, they have helped so much more than I could imagine, but they don't kill the pain.

So yes, change is inevitable, and I am learning to adjust. Spring is the time or rebirth and with that I am trying to be "reborn."

In case you didn't know, Wednesday was Ash Wednesday and also the first day of Lent. While, I grew up Catholic I don't go to church regularly (even though I should). But every year, I tend to give something up for Lent. I feel as though it is something I can do to better myself.

Since last year was the first year in a very long time that I have not given anything up, I decided to give up two things. Yes two! I decided the first thing I would give up is greasy fast food, yes I will still eat the healthy stuff like subway. Since my mom passed, I have been stuck in such a rut that fast food has almost been my lifeline. That is not healthy at all. I figured giving up greasy fast food would allow me to get back on track in my personal life and make myself do one of the things I love to do, cook.

The second thing I am giving up is more personal. It is the inability to process change. Sounds deep right? Well, I am making it my goal to work on myself and make myself happy. I am tired of crying almost everyday and I know my mom and grandma do not want me to spend the rest of my life like this. So, while I know there will be tears shed over the next 40 days, I do know that I am going to make a constant effort to make myself smile at least once a day.

Do you celebrate Lent? If so, what are you giving up?


Al said...

oh lovely, thats really awful.

but i promise you the medication will help you to put things into focus and counselling will help you alot.

i hope you start to cope a little better soon...

Kristen said...

Good luck to you. Medication is good though remember that it takes a full month or more to get the full effects, so don't give up hope on them. Almost 4 weeks ago I started a diet so I gave up a lot already (fast food, Dr Pepper, sweets, white grains, and did I say Dr Pepper?!) so I'm just sticking to my new lifestyle!

Melissa said...

Learning to grow is the key to life, we all struggle with this.

Lent, yes I've given up the constant sarcasim in my words and locking myself away from other people. So far it's been...odd.

Have a nice weekend

Anais said...

I think those are great goals! I'm so impressed by the second one - the fact that you want to work on that in itself is quite a big step :) And of course you're going to cry! but making yourself smile will be a great remedy :)

Good luck! :)

Jamie Pickle said...

These sound like very attainable goals. Good luck to you!!

I think the counseling and medication together will work wonders. I go to a counselor and have been on medication for over a year and I find things more manageable.

Lil' Woman said...

Good luck girly.
I can't imagine how hard it was to lose to close women in your life. I don't participate in Lent but I thought about giving up mac and cheese but I just can't commit. :(

Tamela said...

Good luck. I think these are the best things I have seen with people giving up stuff for lent. That have so much meaning to you. Keep your chin up and just smile!

Stacie said...

Those are wonderful Lenten goals, I think. I am Catholic but I do not tend to give things up (I had a priest who told the congregation when I was at an impressionable age, "You think God give a FIG if you give up candy for Lent?!"). I try to be a little more contemplative and prayerful in Lent.

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