Mixed emotions run over me

Sometimes I wonder if I am a sucker for punishment, my heart's too big or if the world just needs more people like me.

Last night I found out that my step sister had been shot and surprisingly it brought tears to my eyes. Why is this a surprise? Well because my SS has been off my contact list for years now. She became mixed up with drugs at a young age and has never kicked the habit, in fact it has just gotten worse as time goes by.

She burned bridges with me after claiming to have cleaned up and then stealing from me. She has treated my family like crap time and time again and never thought twice about it. No one mattered too much to steal from. She lost her kids to DHS, and she even jumped bail. Basically, meth is running her life.

Well, on Sunday night apparently her life changed. The story I was told is that a drug dealer had a gun up to her waist (why, I dunno) and she squirmed to get away and he shot her. The shooter than dumped her off behind a trash can in hopes she would die. She managed to drag herself to the street for someone to see her and call 911.

The bullet went through her lung and shattered her T10 vertebrae. The doctors said she will more than likely never regain sensation in her legs and be paralyzed from the waist down the rest of her life.

I debated whether or not I should go to the hospital and see her. I eventually decided I should because I thought if she died tomorrow how would I feel? I knew I would feel terrible so today I went to see her. She looked terrible, and one of the first things she told me was she couldn't feel her legs.

It's a sad reality, but we all knew something like this was going to happen eventually. It's amazing how many times you can not care to ever see or talk to a person again and then boom, something happens and you're torn apart.

I guess I will continue to see her. She has a tough road ahead of her. If she decides to go back to her drug addict lifestyle, then my contact with her will be sparse once again.