Friday, March 13, 2009

F My Life

While bored at work I received an email that cured my boredom, at least temporarily.

Anyways, this site is pretty funny. It is like twitter for screwed up instances in life. Here are some funny ones today:

Today, an old girlfriend from years ago wanted to have lunch. Seeing as I had nothing to do, I went with her. She introduced me to her son. Apparently I am the father. My son is 6. FML

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML

Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone." FML

Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She proceeded to ask, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML

8 comments:

Lil' Woman said...

lol...hilarious.. the last one tho takes the cake.

teasinglydiverse said...

I love that website. It makes me feel better about myself. I saw one recently that said something like, "Working on family tree for a school project and realized that my mom and dad had the same last name. Asked my mom about it and turns out they're 2nd cousins. FML."
OMG...I just about DIED laughing!

Trixie said...

OMG!!! That is great! That web site kept me laughing and laughing. If I saw that one I probably would have gotten in trouble at work for laughing too hard.

Leetid said...

They are brilliant, I am going to have to check out the site for more!

April said...

HAHAHHAHAHAHA Those were awesome.

Meme said...

LOL...That is quite the pick me up!

a H.I.T. said...

So funny. Overheard in New York gets some funny stuff too sometimes. You should check it out.

Thomas said...

Wow. Wow!

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