Thursday, May 7, 2009

Life's not fair

As Mother's Day approaches I find myself more and more bitter. Not because I am sick of seeing all the ads like a typical holiday, but because for the first time in my life I won't be celebrating with my mother or my grandmother. This is first for me.

Even though Easter and my sister's birthday were my first true holiday's alone, I feel like this will be the hardest one I have faced thus far.

Every year we would go to my grandma's house and have lunch then spend the day with her. Typically she would cook even though we always told her not to. I miss that. This year I had already planned a surprise for my mom by January because I knew this would be an extremely rough year for her, but now she's gone too.

I can't help but be pissed off. I'm pissed off that my grandma was taken from me in September. I'm pissed off that I had to turnaround and plan my mom's funeral in February. It's just not fair.

And believe me I know that life's not fair. Everyone has told me that, I grew up knowing that but I don't care. This is just wrong. It's wrong to do this to anyone. No one deserves pain like this, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I'm 25-years-old and I feel like I have lost the biggest part of who I am, and I have because these are the women that made me who I am.

So I sit here in a slump, ranting about things I know I can't fix. But I do hope that all of you who are lucky to still have your mother's and grandmother's make sure you let them know how special they are because you never know when it will be the last time you get to hear them tell you that they love you too.

Rest in peace grandma and mom, I will forver love and miss you.


Kristen said...

I'm so sorry that you lost your grandma and your mother. I've been blessed to not lose anyone that is close to me, I count my blessings and dread the day that that changes. I hope you can atleast be with your sister this weekend.

Tamela said...

I agree with Kristen. Its going to be hard, but you will pull through with your sister by your side.

I really enjoyed The Host, now it is a lot different from twilight since it deals with "aliens." The beginning is kinda slow but once you start to get about a fourth of the way into the book it really picks up and the ending was really good. I liked it, but I am not too terribly critical when it comes to books.

Melissa said...

I'm sorry for your loss,this has to be a difficult time for you. I lost my grandfather and every father's day and important hoilday is rough. You and your sister can ride it out, but for the time being I just want to tell you that it is perfectly fine to be pissed. You have every right to be mad, Life sucks and thats what we have to face everyday. Trixie be mad and cry but do let it take over, thats when problems start.
If you need to talk feel free to e-mail me, I listen(read).

Al said...

:( im so sorry you lost them both, and especially in such a short period of time... i cannot begin to imagine the pain you are feeling...

i have heard of people going to old peoples homes and visiting people there that dont have a family... maybe that would be a nice idea when you are feeling a little stronger... then you are cheering someone up that is lonely.... just an idea :)

ReRe said...

i feel you sweetie. this is my 3rd mother's day without my mom. i'd love to say it doesn't still sting, but it does, but i promise it gets easier. it would be a lot easier if those damn KAY Jewelry commercials would go away!

Lil' Woman said...

You'll be in my thoughts sweetie, I'm soo sorry for your loss but I can't think of anything to say since I'm not in that position.

If you need to talk I'm here..just shoot me a email. :)

The Schumachers said...

I lost my dad almost 5 years ago and there is not a father's day or birthday, or any other day for that matter, that it doesn't hurt just as much. Hope your day was ok...hang in there eventually it won't hurt as bad as it does now.

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