Excuses, excuses

Everybody makes them. I don't think I know a single person that can get by without them. Hell, I even use them probably a little more than I should, but I always make sure they could actually happen.

There is a lady that I work with, and she is the "queen" of excuses. She calls in all the time, and by the end of March had used all four weeks of her vacation and sick leave. I have no idea how she is going to make it the rest of the year.

But here's the kicker... While she calls in all the time, she makes some excuses that are so bogus that I don't know how my boss hasn't called her on it. Probably because he is scared of her for some reason. So, after hearing another bogus reason to call in yesterday, I decided to share her top excuses.

Excuse 1: Two days after tomatoes were declared safe from salmonella, she claimed to have caught it and had to miss work because she ate tomatoes. Tomatoes were not on the market, she even said she threw all of hers away. How do you catch salmonella from safe tomatoes? If so, why didn't you go to the hospital to let society know that they aren't safe yet?

Excuse 2: Kidney stones. I know kidney stones are no joke, but I also know that kidney stones last longer than one day. I haven't ever had them, but I have some friends that have and they were in pain for a few days. She on the other hand, had them for one day and one day only.

Excuse 3: I have to take my grown adult married daughter for her post-pregnancy check-up. Why on earth do you need to take your daughter to get her girly parts checked out? Were you there to watch her pee on a stick too?

Excuse 4: (I had to save the best for last) I trusted what (insert boss name here) said and I went out to Rib Crib's all you can eat ribs on Saturday. The first batch wasn't cooked all the way, but I ate them anyways and was sick as a dog. I really thought I had the swine flu. SERIOUSLY? You thought you had the swine flu even though the ruled it out that humans were getting it from eating pork? And are you sure you were eating pork ribs and not cow?

So there you have it, random excuses from my co-worker that seem just absolutely ridiculous. While it is funny to look back and remember some of the random crap she says to get off work, I realize how annoying it is to do all her work plus mine.